The Road most Travelled

So we are faced with two roads - one which offers good money and good title in a stable / solid fortune 500 company with a well defined career and prospects and the other path which is not at all well defined, which may or may not lead to riches, has no title & definately no perks, implies financial constraints in the short run and has no defined path - this is the path to following your dreams and becoming an entreprenuer. So which will it be ?



Well I chose the former - everytime there was a fork in the road I chose the road most travelled. At first I was not even aware of the other path - but gradually the other path came into focus. Why did this happen ? First I went to the ISB - it showed me to be the frog in the well that I was and 2nd I've seen how big firms operate and I'm pretty sure that there is a better way. As I move up in my career Ive seen big firm operate politically rather than rationally, Ive seen them abuse and disregard human capital and Ive seen them make a mess of the important things that need to be done. Seeing these things has moved me to where I can see the value of the other path - different from the road most travelled.



The million dollar Q - So why not jump in ? Ah well - GMD* coefficient is zero :) Also no great ideas ,fear of failure, no financial cushion and no partner. So which of these are the biggest blockers ? Financial backup I think is key - so if I have a crore in the bank I would definately be able to look at moving out of regular work. What about an idea ? I have some I think one of which may really work - but definately need one other person who is highly motivated and positive.


GMD* = Gaand me dum

Why does life suck ?

Breaking down the problem

• Life sucks - this is the reality Im faced with - if it doesnt for you then thats fantastic.


• The general reasons are absence or having less of love, money, work, family, health - i.e the many dimensions across which human beings experience life


• From the above I am lucky enough to have love, family, health (though the battle of the bulge has commenced).


• Money - you can never have enough of it ? I think we can answer this is we have defined our life goals and see if our current + future earnings can fund these goals.

Money: The problem is defining these goals - we have a fuzzy feeling that we wont be able to fund our (undefined) goals and hence the money part sucks. Defining lifes goals are not easy at least for me - I mean what should one do now - in the long run we are all dead anyway. Surprisingly many goals are cheap - having good friends, helping other people, going trekking or visiting places (there are too many beautiful spots in India where you can visit for peanuts) - so perhaps we should do as follow. Steps : Set Life Goals -> Segregate goals into cheap and expensive -> Keep doing the cheap ones -> keep pruning the expensive ones. Among the expensive goals there are those that are critical childs education, house to live in, money for wife after you kick the bucket - these need to be quantified. The other expensive goals are those that I'll feel sad about if they dont come to pass but wont kill me if they are not achieved. Steps: Segregate expensive goals into critical and non-critical goals -> quantify expensive critical goals (priority/money/timeline) -> quantify expensive non-critical goals

• Work - From speaking to all my friends and collegues the thing that makes life suck the most is work. Why is this ?

Work: I use to love working for works sake - not for the money or the next promotion or for anything. I remember the time when working on something caused time to blur and work became the single focal point of all my energy and abilities - there was no exhaustion, boredom, stagnation, cribbing, shitty feeling - none of these things that are my constant companions today. Im paid well, I use to have a good boss, I use to have a great team, I was on top of my game - but I was dissatisfied - why ??? Why did success breed failure ?

The Story of Tibet

What a wonderful book this is - it traces the history of Tibet in conversations between the Author and the 14th (current) Dalai Lama. The book winds it way slowly through the generations of Dalai Lamas and their strong influence on Asia - both the politics and the religion and weaves into it the story of the people of Tibet - their beliefs, their acceptance of the Chinese invasion, their religious achievements and trials. But most interesting for me was the unusual way in which the Dalai Lama view life and events - the author terms this as Stereo Vision wherein the Dalai Lama view all events and history at two levels - the common level which we all perceive and the uncommon level which is perceived by people with higher spiritual realization. If anything this book shows how the Dalai Lama first looks inward - at himself and his people and his religion - even at the times when history dealt them the harshest hand - really inspiring.

Expressing the un-expressible

Did you ever feel something so intensely that your soul felt deeply quenched but were never able to come close to expressing it adequately - even to your own self ?

I am listening to the song "Yeh Hosala" from the movie "Dor" - the sense of perfection & beauty that touches and seeps into the core of my soul and holds time still in a perfect moment is something I can feel - not from the mind or the heart but from somewhere deeper - and yet I cannot be express it the way I feel it. Why does this happen ? Is it because the composer, the singer, the musicians and the director have all put the very essence of their beings into the song and something deeply human inside me resonates to that essence ?

The words of the song are so caringly crafted - the music composed as if the composer was born to compose only for this song, the vibrancy of the background singers and the instruments, the softness of the flute, the aliveness/vigour of the drumbeats and the perfect coordination never fails to bring out that which is gods greatest gift to humans - the ability to feel and feel deeply.

There is also a sense of sadness which only adds to the magic of the moment - how can there be something so beautiful which only others can create but I can only feel, like a blind man who can feel the gentle warmth of the suns rays but can never see the beauty of creation. At least I can feel... I am human ...I am alive.

Tauli Trek - To heaven and back

Back from heaven ... but with aches and pains, but it was worth every painful step :) We started a little late in the morning ~ 11:00 and crossed a small village edged by green paddy fields and entered into the undergrowth spread out ahead of the climb. Crossed a couple of streams swollen by the rains that looked tough but nothing compared to what we found at the top.

We went off track past a waterfall that dropped about 12 feet. Markings indicating that we cross the waterfall were scribbled on the rocks where we sat and posed in the gentle rain. We retraced our steps and crossed over the waterfall and climbed through falls, streams and rain on a path covered by branches of small shrub/trees - was amazing wading through the streams and rocks which were cool to the touch and not very slippery but were quite fast flowing. At some point we must have missed the trail and wandered off following the stream which was part of the original trail. Finally after crawling through the thick underbrush we reached a small clearing where we had the best snack/lunch break ever surrounded by the green brush, under a grey overcast and weeping sky. We clawed our way up a dirt trail and around a huge boulder with our feet slipping like crazy under the slush and hanging on to shallow rooted plants that barely supported our weight. Finally Nikhil discovered a well beaten trail at the top which we took & which finally led us to the top.

One of the main peaks looks like a huge Shivaling which appeared magically burst out of the clouds when the clouds cleared for a moment. We were surrounded by greenery which was soooooo magical and appealing to the eyes. Crossed couple of streams which due to the constantly falling rain had now become quite fast flowing - finally reached the ruins of a house from where we climbed stone steps (who made them ? and why ?) which led us to a very fast flowing and high waterfall - we needed to cross this and debated for quite some time but finally decided against it and retraced our steps. By this time it was pouring cats and dogs and we were drenched to the bone but we decided that we would be able to make it back as we had found the path. We walked passed the ruins to a small clearing when suddenly the clouds cleared to reveal beautiful cliffs with the amazing waterfalls which we had seen from the village below.



We progressed rapidly to the plateau and found the most beautiful scenery laid out before our eyes. The streams falling off the sheer rock face, the green valley spread out before us, the wind in our hair and the sense of achievement all added to the moment. The wind from the valley pushed the waterfalls back towards us - so instead of falling into the valley below the water was blown onto the plateau like a fountain - really amazing. Went and sat on a rock at the edge of the plateau - the rock had been waiting there a 1000 years for me to sit on and it felt like a throne - felt really safe even though I was inches from the sheer drop to the valley below - the water falls were completely visible from this point. Those 15-20 mins were worth the gruelling 7 hours.

We went back exhausted, hungry and drenched to the bone - Sunday was devoted completely to sleeping and thanks to Kiran even got to see the photos and videos which although can never capture the true beauty of what we saw is still a nice reminder of Heaven ...

Pics at http://picasaweb.google.com/srkkiran/TahuliTrek

Frontline Pakisan

Frontline Pakistan: The Struggle With Militant Islam by Zahid Hussain

If you are an Indian and want to understand what Pakistan has undergone and how deeply the country is embroiled in its own creation - 'terrorism' then this is the book to read. Written by a Pakistani journalist without any hint of patriotic bias it gives a clear but powerfully written timeline of the events which transformed Pakistan into a terrorist state.

The book starts out with the partition of Pakistan and is followed by the rise and collapse of the Bhutto government which is removed by Zia Ul Haque. Zia starts off the Islamization of the army, the educational institutions and the state agencies. It covers the birth of the ISI and its strengthening during the Zia years, followed by the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan which sees the birth of the Jihad - pitting the pious against the godless. Sponsored by the CIA and run by the ISI the Jihad radicalizes the common man and the state institutions and leads to the birth of many radical organizations.

Meanwhile the rise of the Taliban is seen by the ISI and the Pakistani Army as a godsend in their aim to achieve "Strategic Depth" against India's conventional weapons reach - this central idea was new to me and essentially revolves around the fact that India can reach into any part of Pakistan using conventional weapons and destroy any military installation. Pakistan has dreamt of an friendly Afghan government which would let it operate military bases and provide hinterlands deep in Afghanistan - out of reach of India's military capabilities.

The rise of the Taliban and the brief history of Mullah Omar followed by the histories of various radical/terrorist groups operating in and around Pakistan define the complexity of the terrorist situation in Pak. Another interesting twist is that the Pak Military's affinity with the Taliban ideology of militant Islam and their support for Taliban receives a rude shock when the Taliban refuses to recognize the Durand line which is the border between Pak and Afghanistan - Pashto population dominate both sides of the border and have never seen the border as a final agreement. The rise of Parvez Musharraf is also described well in the book.

9/11 changed things radically when the Pak military was forced into going after and destroying the very terrorist groups they had helped setup. The unappreciative Americans with their "You are with us or against us" again demonstrates the inability of the Americans to see the million shades of gray that exist in the ideological and political mess that is today Pakistan. Musharrafs support for the Americans (Under pressure from the US) has brought him in direct confrontation with the radicals, the army, the mullahs and the terrorist organization not to mention the Taliban - it will be interesting to see how this plays out as each has thier own agenda

Other interesting things in this book are about the Sunni vs Shia terrorist groups killing Pakistani civilians, the Nuclear black market dealings of the Pakistani scientists, the attempts on Musharrafs life and the nuclear standoff betw India and Pak after the bombing of the parliament by terrorists in India.

Must read for all Indians

OK - so got my next big project at work - FX-SS, wonder how tough its going to be, UIs can be a beast if not anything else but I look forward to the challenge. Multiple managers on this one - so that should be a challenge too. Hope we can finish this one off before we start the next. All depends on delivering this one well.

Finally understood put-call parity and how it relates to synthetic forwards vs true forward rates. Quite interesting ..